So Much Cocaine

EURO English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby

        English will be the official language of the European Union rather

        than German, which was the other possibility.

 

        As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that

        English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-

        year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

 

        In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this

        will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be

        dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and

        keyboards kan have one less letter.

 

        There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when the

        troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like

        fotograf 20% shorter.

 

        In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted

        to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

 

        Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have

        always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

 

        Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag

        is disgrasful and it should go away.

 

        By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"

        with "z" and "w" with "v".

 

        During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords

        kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl

        riten styl.

 

        Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU

        understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

 

        Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in

        ze forst plas.

 

        If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

 

gold ring

- Where did this beautiful gold ring?
- I found yesterday on a walk in the park.
- It would be normal to go out and preach to the Police.
- I like to do that. The interior is studded "Yours forever."

pharmacy

A guy walks into a pharmacy  and ask them:
- Do you fish?
Farmacistele looked at him confused and not respond to anything.
- Do you fish? - He lies.
- Sir, you do not see that here is a pharmacy?, Dare one.
- I have wondered if you're over! - He insisted.
- No, sir, we have fish! - May 1 answer arrogance.
- So, today I'm your fish!

a girl

A girl asks her friend to pass on to her house and take dinner with her parents. This is an important event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner he wants to go to him and "do" for the first time. Of course, the boy is ecstatic, but he never had sex before, so it goes to pharmacy to get her some birth control methods. The pharmacist in charge of it for an hour, explaining in detail about sex. In the end, he asked how many condoms they want to buy: a 3-pack, each one 10 or 20. The boy insists on taking on the 20, because I think it will be very busy, being the first time.
Friday night the boy goes to girl's parents house and is greeted by his girlfriend at the door. The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents and where they were. Boy proposes to immediately say prayer and bows his head.
One minute passes and the boy is still deep in prayer, head bowed. 10 mins go by and still not see any movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head bowed, his girlfriend and whispered close to her friend:
- I thought you were not so religious person.
The boy returned and whispered:
- No I do not think your father is a pharmacist.

Three bridegroom

A 50-year-old woman had three gineri.Si one day wanted to see how much you love her ... ginerii 
One day he takes his first son-and go for a walk and suddenly be cast into the Danube and cry-Ajuto, help! 
Salt and a son saves mother from drowning ... 
The day before sees son casi Golf 5 with a note "From your most beloved mother" 
The third day the second son-repeated story 
Eeeee when it's time to jump into the Danube third son-mother and cried, Help, Help! Son sat quietly on the shore and looked like mother drowning. 
The next day sees son casi a Lamborghini Diablo to the note "From your father-boyfriend" ... 

Pregnant

Daughter invites her vast 16 years father and mother to sit on the couch in the living room to tell you something: 
- Mom, Dad ,.... I'm pregnant! 
- If a pig could be ordinary, dull, wretched, and the animal that you mocked? If my hands on it right now, kill him !!!!! her mother explodes. 
Very calm, take a young cell and form a number. In less than 15 minutes in front of an energetic brakes Scaglieti Ferrarri 512 silver and, in less than 2 minutes, the door is an elegant man with slightly graying hair, dressed in an impeccable Armani suit with a huge bouquet roses in her arms: 
- Beloved Lady, Sir, please .... 
- What do we pray Donkey, fucking pedophile begins .... mother .... 
- Listen to me .... .... 
- .... That you have abused our child's youthful fruit ....!!! 
- Condition of my social position and I can not afford to take her daughter to marry you. But, if your child will be born a boy, will receive the gift of baptism a car parts factory, a supermarket, a fancy restaurant, a 300 sqm apartment in Bucharest's center, a beachfront villa and a villa in the mountains . If you have to, will receive a baptismal garment factory, a clothing label "haute couture", a supermarket and also an apartment and a villa far from the sea and the mountains. If they are twins, will receive a meat processing factory, one dairy, one apartment and a package of Gazprom shares each worth 5 million. If you lose the pregnancy ... 
- Io shoot once! To be clear! Father to intervene.